And That’s How The Fight Started . . . . . .

One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift…

The next year, I didn’t buy her a gift. When she asked me why, I replied, “Well, you still haven’t used the gift I bought you last year!”

And that’s how the fight started.

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My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

She was not happy with what she saw and said to me, “I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you
to pay me a compliment.’ Read More →

Twenty Reasons Why Chocolate Is Better Than Sex

1) You can get chocolate ANYTIME.

2) “If you love me you’ll swallow that” has real meaning with chocolate.

3) Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft.

4) You can safely have chocolate while you are driving.

5) You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to.

6) You can have chocolate even in front of your mother. Read More →

13 Questions: Can you answer all of them?

1) Are children who act in rated ‘R’ movies allowed to see them?

2) When French people swear do they say pardon my English?

3) “Cute as a button” Is that supposed to be a compliment? Since when are buttons cute?

4) Why did Yankee Doodle name the feather in his hat Macaroni?

5) Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, “I think I’ll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out”?

6) Who was the first person to say, “See that chicken over there … I’m gonna eat the first thing that comes out if its butt”? Read More →

Not a bad way to go

Three guys die and go to hell.

When they arrive the devil informs them that he is going to remove their penises.

“Oh, how are you going to do it”, asks one of the guys. Read More →

You know you’re Australian if . . . .

* You believe that stubbies can be either drunk or worn.

* You pronounce Melbourne as ‘Mel-bin’ and you believe the ‘L’ in the word ‘Australia’ is optional.

* You can translate: ‘Dazza and Shazza played Acca Dacca on the way to Maccas.’ Read More →

Joe Schmo

A bunch of guys were sitting around the break room talking about sex and women of course and in comes Joe Schmo.
One guy says to the other guys, “Man I just don’t understand it. That guy Joe is just an average ordinary looking guy who doesn’t have a lot of money and he gets all the women he wants with the snap of his fingers.” Read More →

Senior Citizen Sex

A senior citizen visits his doctor for a routine check-up and everything seems fine. The doctor asks him about his sex life.

“Well…” the man drawled, “not bad at all to be honest. The wife ain’t all that interested anymore, so I just cruise around. In the past week I was able to pick-up and bed at least three girls, none of whom were over thirty years old.” Read More →

The vodka bottle

A Russian is strolling down the street in Moscow and kicks a bottle laying in the street. Suddenly out of the bottle comes a Genie. The Russian is stunned and the Genie says, “Hello master, I will grant you one wish, anything you want.”

The Russian begins thinking, “Well, I really like drinking vodka.” Finally the Russian says, “I wish to drink vodka whenever I want, so make me piss vodka.” Read More →